My mom called me today! I haven't talked to her in forever, and we caught up. I may have mentioned to her how sometimes I get very stressed out at home because there is always more to do, and I may have mentioned how Josh isn't always the most helpful when it comes to chores. Well I was WRONG. When I got home not only was the house clean(er), vacuumed, and the toilet washed, but the dishes were done!! And he wiped down the counters and stove the way I like it. I didn't even know he knew how to do that! All of this because I made him a sandwich this morning for his lunch. I'm only made it because 1. I'm his wife (wifes make sandwiches right?) 2. I leave 30 min. after him so I have time 3. He made my lunch all throughout grad school, it's really the least I can do. And I told him all that this morning, but he still cleaned. He's the best.
I've recently realized that even though it's been a year from when I finished my thesis, bought 2 used cars b/c mine died beyond repair and moved, all without a job, my stress levels have not gone down to where they were before grad school. That period I mentioned above I call "The Thesis" and it was the worst time of my life and I went crazy with the stress and anxiety. I thought if I relaxed for even one tiny little itty bitty moment I would forget EVERYTHING and have to start over. Oh and we would die because our lease was up, we had no car, and I didn't have a job. Well maybe not die but become lost in some black void without food or a bed. HA! That's right, I really was convinced we were going to have to sell our bed for food and I didn't think I could survive without my bed. I didn't remember that until right now because I blocked that period of time of my life. The only things I remember from April to July 3 was grilling outside for dinner every night, talking to Bob and Jacque, crying in front of Calvin that one time, the sound of Ayla's mouse clicking as she played Minesweeper, walking to the grad student office to turn in my thesis, and waking up more exhausted than when I went to bed bc of my acid reflux. I am still not sure if getting the Master's degree was worth it... ask me in 5 to 10 yrs.
We grilled because hotdogs are cheap and so I wouldn't have to be inside my apartment stressing because if I'm in there, I could be working.
I still feel that way sometimes. That if I'm home there is stuff to be done and if I don't remember to do it, if I don't think about how it needs to be done, if I don't ponder when it should be done, and then gather the energy to get Josh to help me with it then the black void will come back and we will probably die. Home does not relax me.
I thought making a list would help, and my mom told me I should do it. She has one. But a list wouldn't help (even though I do love them!) because things can get lost in a list. Just because it's on there doesn't mean I'll do it, and I still have to worry about when I will do it. Then my mom gave me the best suggestion of all...use a planner!!! If there's one thing I love more than lists, it's big fancy planners!!
So I stopped at Target on my way home and bought the one I loved best and didn't even look at the price. That was freedom right there, let me tell you. And now since I love it I'll be more likely to use it and not always wish I had the "better one" if I had gotten the cheap one like always. Anyways, this isn't a school or work planner, this is a life planner...so I needed one different than any other I've had before.
So there it is! Josh says it looks sort of Dutch. I love it. I even use a large bag/purse thing now because it's finally practical for me to due to my job, and it will fit in there perfectly! Right next to my umbrella.
As an interesting side note, the month before Josh and I moved to Nashville we were at Blissfest and I had my palm read. The girl looked at my hand and looked up at me and said "You don't need to worry so much!" and I was confused because at that exact moment in my life I was the most carefree, happy, and unstressed I have ever ever been. But now I know...she got it a little wrong...I was going to start worrying in the near future.