Thursday, April 14, 2016

A Post I Wrote

I am out of practice writing, and I am angry at the world.  I am angry because there are people richer than me.  I am angry because there are people who own houses and I do not.  I am angry because there are people poorer than me.  I am angry because, Trump.  I am angry because, Bernie. 

I am angry because there is anger in me.

I want a bigger house.  I want warmer weather (soon. soon.) .  I want my child to stop asking what I'm doing, or what that stranger in the place is doing, or what that car is doing, or what is this book doing, or what is anything doing.  And when I ask her what she thinks something is doing, she stairs at me, silently, like I'm an idiot.  I want to freely express every opinion that pops into my head, without fear of judgement, and then ten minutes later, change that opinion.

I want to be heard and understood.

I want to make a decision about how I'm going to handle my child, and I don't want a well meaning more experienced person to second guess me or critique me, unless I ask.  I'm aware their experience may be helpful and smart and maybe, just maybe, even right.  But I am not the type of person who wants it.  I want to figure it out all by myself.  I always have been that way, forever.  I'm fully aware that makes my life harder in ways.  But I also learn all sorts of new things that way too.

I want to be able to write perfectly the first time so I don't have to go back and proof read.  I want magic fingers that are typo free. 

I want all of my friends to be baby free so they can hang out with me all the time, just like we used to do.  I also want my friends to be happy.  Some of us friends are going through hard times.  Heh.  I bet everyone is.  I talked to one woman at a mother's group, and on the day her father died, she miscarried her 17 week old baby.   And I sit around and mope about how hard my life has been and how no one understands me.  Sheesh.  We all got 98 problems, the Bible tells us so.  I think.  I've got a friend who's mom was my favorite Friend Mom, and she just passed away.  I am grateful that my friend has a strong support group around her, and a baby and husband to distract her.

Do you know what I want most immediately?  I want strangers to stop giving Lilly money for the candy machines!  I want strangers to stop giving her free stuff!  I want strangers to stop insisting I buy Lilly whatever food/thing in the grocery store she happened to talk about and be super cute about.  I know bananas are super cheap, but it just so happens that I have 8 bananas at home...I don't need or want to buy her more, just to make her happy.  It's not like she's going to eat it.

I want my child to eat in a consistent manner.        '

My child came over and cuddled me and now I feel happy.