Monday, March 30, 2015

One Day A Habit Does Not Make

I am feeling so great today! Yesterday I felt the opposite, and I struggled with it all day.  I was tired!  There was no clean underwear upstairs.  There was no clean dishrags upstairs.  Or pants.  That's a lie, there were pants, I just didn't want to wear them.  I was able to get my pj pants on, sans unders, and a sweatshirt over my pj shirt.  I got Lilly a banana muffin and juice and situated in front of the TV, Ciallou.  Then I laid in bed until it was lunch.  I got up to change Lilly's diaper and play with her, then I laid on the couch until lunch.  I guess that first sentence was incorrect.  Lilly got pbandj for lunch and yogurt.  Then I put her down for a nap and I slept more too.  Then we laid around until Josh got home. Oh, and Lilly got as many cookies as she wanted for her afternoon snack.

It was the worst!  I was so mad.  I wanted to clean, I wanted to be clean, I wanted to be responsible. I wanted to go downstairs and find a pair of clean underwear.  I wanted to turn the TV off so my baby girl could play with toys and learn and grow.  I wanted to feed her a variety of healthy foods like fruits and veggies and protein.  But I could not do any of those things.  I just could not.  I was very worried about myself.  Was I sinking into a terrible depression?  Was I a fundamentally bad person?  Was this the start of the building of bad habits that grows and grows until five years from now I look back at myself in disgust and say "What have I become?!?!"  "What have I let my family become?"

I did some breathing/meditation exercises and looked at the situation from "outside".  Here is what I realized:
1.  It was Sunday.  You are allowed to watch tv and wear your pj's all day on Sunday.
2.  I had a very tiring busy weekend and Josh was working the whole time.  Of course I'm allowed to be tired.
3.  It was Josh's third day in a row working...I'm always exhausted on these Sundays.
4.  It was super windy, rainy AND snowy.  I wasn't going to go anywhere, it was a perfect lazy day.
5.  I did go downstairs to find a clean dishrag, but the unders were too hidden under the giant pile of clean clothes and towels, and I didn't want to search for a pair.  I'm not sure what this says about me or the situation. But I find it ironic, and that amuses me.
6.  One day does not equal a habit.  Everyone has off days.
7.  Lots of people watch more tv than me, and I respect them and their families.  TV is not the true devil.  Especially if all we watch are PBS toddler shows.
8.  I am feeling overwhelmed with the changes that spring brings.  I need to make a to-do list and more importantly, a list that chronicles what I have done.  A have-done list reminds you that you are not useless and that you accomplish more than you think.
9.  Lilly has been sleeping in her own big girl bed, and I have had to wake up and go to her once or twice a night...the change adds to tiredness too.

Here is my Have-Done list for yesterday:

1.  Put away Lilly's clean clothes.
2.  Did some dishes. (I think, I must have)
3.  Fed my baby.  A full baby is more important than a starving baby surrounded by vegetables.
4.  Provided a warm, filling, delicious meal for my husband when he got home from work.
5.  Picked up my boxes of yarn from the living room (and just moved them to the bedroom).  This one is sort of a draw.

Now, about that warm, filling dinner I provided?  It was Spanky's Pizza and Breadsticks, delivered.  Yeah, I just made a phone call and amazing food was brought to me.  I over tipped the driver b/c I made him go out in terrible ice snow rain.  Luckily, it wasn't very far.

Lilly also discovered a new word to add to her collection.  It's called "Mine!"  While Josh was eating, she took his plate of pizza and said MINE! and then grabbed his pizza and said Mine! and wouldn't give it back to him.  Then, she said "Mine!!" and licked the entire back of his pizza.  Too bad for her that when you wipe someones butt, a little bit of their tongue spit is not gross, and Josh ate the pizza anyways.  It was not hers!

Monday, March 23, 2015

Place Title Here

I realized that if I want to keep up my writing skillz, I have to keep writing.  So here is yet another post.  As you should know, an assertive adult will not read this if they don't care.  Not complain that I talk about myself too much.  And that is a showing of my lack of confidence in what I do and a fear of the unknown, not a comment on any actual person.

Blah blah blah.

WHAT!?  Lilly just put her new colored pencils away in the box they came in!  I am always surprised at how amazing she is.  They aren't all in there and I think she stuck them in through the window, not the top of the box.  She also tried to eat the red and blue ones.

The Fremont Cinemas is holding a Super Fantasy Festival in May.  Costumes encouraged.  There are only 110 tickets, so I called today to get information.  It's two days, but we can only financially and timewise afford one day. Yet, we can't buy the tickets because the schedule is not posted on the website.  One of the activities listed is a Magic The Gathering Card Game Tournament, or just Magic Tournament if you play.  That's definitely what Josh and I want to do, so I called them up to see what day it is and what the rules are.  There are several types of tournaments.  Well, turns out, I'm much more nerdy than the kids working there and probably helping out with the Fantasy Fest.  The first girl didn't know much about it at all.  No big deal.  I knew I was asking picky questions.  I wanted to know if it was a draft tournament, or if we brought our own cards.  We bring our own cards.  Then I wanted to know if we can only bring cards from the last/current set.  No...we can bring any cards we want to "do battle".  How I wish all of you played Magic, so you would understand the full impact of that sentence.  One, I do not "do battle", I dominate!  Once you see me, you might as well go home.  Second, this can't be an official tournament (you can get nationally ranked, etc. b/c they do track official tournaments all over the country/world(?)).  By saying you can bring any cards, people are not truly playing on a fair and same playing field.  Josh and I would kick butts of anyone knew to the game as we've been collecting for over 10 years...we've got all the sweet cards and can build tournament illegal decks and use cards that are generally band from play because they are too good.  Many of our Magic friends would kick our butts because they put money into buying the extra awesome cards to build impossible to beat Mill Decks.  Or cat decks, or vampire decks.  Someday I'm going to build a rat deck.  It's just going to be Mana and rats.  Chittering Rats.  Mwa HA HA HA!  That's totally not can't have more than 4 of the same type of card in your deck.  Lands don't count.

Soooo...I hope there's money to be won at this tournament.  I have a kick ass green deck.  Or maybe I should bring Ack Attack...a red and white deck that rules the same way Ackbar does.

Finally, I asked on my phone call when the schedule would be posted online.  I was told it probably already was. *Eye Roll*  As a magic nerd, phone calls and personal interaction is not my strong point.  Of course I checked out the website first...if it was all there as it should be, I wouldn't have needed to call them.

Next order of business is to figure out which fantasy figure Josh and I will dress up as.

Uh oh.  Lilly has her boots on and her mittens and her coat and hat are by her feet.  I suspect it's time to go outside.

Saturday, March 21, 2015

My Head Has A Fin, I Am A Shark. A Land Shark.

Okay.  Yesterday was Josh's first day off for the weekend.  The plan was to stay home and clean and play with Lilly and maybe get a project done.  Maybe.  Then, before I even properly woke up, only because it was my day to sleep in, I got three texts.  From my mom.  I of course did not know this until I did wake up and check.  But the dinging did help me wake up sooner than later.  Who's texting me????  Her computer got a virus and is super old, like 7 years old with Vista still.  To me, this virus was a good thing.  Too her, not so much.  We went over there so Josh could clear out the millions of programs the virus installed the day before, slowing down their internet and using up there data.  That's the worst of all the things you could do in that house.  Even worse than putting a cup on the harvest table.  Even worse than walking through the house with muddy shoes on.  Even worse than using up the hot water before I shower.

Josh fixed it up so that the computer is usable until her new one arrives! Yes, he also helped pick out and order my mom a new computer.  He even remembered to have my dad google for discount codes ( is best for this) and got 15% off the order.  I love surprise saving money.

Lilly loved going over there.  We went for a walk to the mailbox.  She rode in the wagon out there and then walked the 1/2 mile back all on her own.  She is a busy little girl!  She helped me fill out my March Madness Bracket and she chased Ackbar around a little bit.  But then he went outside because he is not a fan of high pitched children.  Oh, and I helped by filling out my mom's form for Publisher's Clearing House.  I've been doing that since I was capable of filling out forms.

In the evening, Josh and Lilly and I dressed up nicely and toured the Fremont Business Expo.  We went in the evening in hopes that it would be less busy compared to today.  I think we made the right choice.  Josh and I like to sit and talk to every booth and learn about what they are selling and get their free stuff.  We scored a magnet chip clip bag, stickers for the new Fremont Brewery called Brew Works of Fremont.  They have a silhouette of the farm co-op as their picture.  I love it.  I signed up to volunteer with the Historical Museum and got the ladies at the booth to like me.  A lot.  They had this weird old thing and the game was to guess what it was.  It says Vul-Kit on it, so that's what I said it was.  Duh.  They thought it was Hilarious.  Josh got the ladies at the Sprint Booth to love him and he also succeeded at the bank and insurance places too.  Basically where ever there were women because they love him.  I just realized he was holding Lilly too.  It's a deadly combination.

 I was ignored at the recycling booth and the Smart Energy booth too.  The two booths I was most interested in chatting at. I was judged and deemed not really interested or knowledgable.  I was engaged at the Sprout Lab booth, and the lady was really excited to talk to me about it.  They are a non-profit (I THINK) from GVSU, that works with start up businesses and helping entrepreneurs get started.  She was happy that I read about them in the paper and had an active interest in it.  There were two or three Amish booths selling farming equipment and metal roofing.  I like seeing the Amish being involved in the community.  They should be...they make up much of the community.  All of the shopping areas (even Walmart) have special areas for them to tie up their buggies.

I want to discuss the Smart Energy Booth.  The guy is just starting up the business, and when I asked what sort of info would I get if I put my email on the list, he couldn't really answer that because he hadn't thought it fully through yet.  He does wind, solar, energy audits, LED lighting and other green energy stuff, everything I researched and worked with at my old job.  Anyways, he had no use for a person who looked like me, so I moved on.  When were leaving, I saw his truck in the parking lot...I knew it was his because it had SMART ENERGY written on the side.  It was his work truck to represent his brand of Green Energy Selling.  It was a giant truck on lifts with great big exhaust things that stuck up behind the cab.  That vehicle is the least green environmental vehicle I've ever seen!  I don't understand.  Does he or does he not stand behind what he is selling?  It was an obnoxious tricked out truck that you would dislike anyways, and then it says Smart Energy on the side!  It seems like an oxymoron to me.

I saw only one person I knew.  She used to work at the school when I was in high school.  I wasn't going to say anything because I never had her as a teacher, I was just kinda friends with her daughters (both in different grades than me).  She looked at me, said "Oh hi! One of my former students." then ran away from me.  Ugh.  I wish we had just mutually not acknowledged each other.  I was not a former student, and if I did talk to her, I would have only wanted to know about her daughters and not talk about myself.  So, once again, my reaction was judged and shut down before I had a chance to make my own choice.  It's irritating, but I'm not taking it personally.  I didn't want to make chitchat as badly as she didn't want to, too.

Today Lilly got mad because she couldn't get a sock to fit on her head like a hat.  She loves hats.  I put the toilet paper roll cozy on her head instead.

Trout Steak Revival (best bluegrass band ever) will be at Founder's on April 11.  See you there or you be square.  I just got my Kickstarter gift of hat, shirt, cd, and sweet poster!  I hung that baby up immediately.  And yes they are awesome, and I am friends with all the members!  I use the word friends loosely.  :)  I have met and post show partied with them far more than once though, in Denver, dressed as a land shark.

Which made me realize, I've spent two of my Halloweens in Denver!  It's my favorite inland city.

Sunday, March 15, 2015

Random Occurances

My thoughts never seem to gather and collect when I sit down to write any more.  I have thoughts all day, every day of what I want to say, but when it comes to spitting them out, they just fly away.  They say to just keep writing anyways, so that's what I'll do.  Unfortunately for you, you get a list of random thoughts instead of a well connected paragraphed post to read.

1.  Lilly chose to sit in her booster seat this morning.  She wants to sit and eat now.  She sits on the chair and says "Sit".  We spent the day shopping with Auntie Mandy yesterday.  I think Lilly fell in love with Mandy.  When Mandy sat down to eat, Lilly wanted to sit down too!  She also didn't want to pick up her egg salad sandwich because she might get egg salad on her hands.  Really?!?  All she does is eat with her hands.  Forks and spoons are just for fun until she gets impatient.  Josh says she must have been wanting to be on her best behavior.

2.  When I say shopping, I mean, we went to Cabela's and fought with other women to get service so we could try on shoes.  I wanted hiking shoes (not boots, shoes) and they were having a sale on those.  They were so busy!  I only tried on 4 shoes, but it took 1.5 hrs b/c I had to go find a person each time to get me the right size.

3.  Okay, here is the good story of what happened.  You have the background, Cabela's is having a big spring sale, they even had booths of food to sample and someone trying to sign people up for credit cards.  I think it was busier than they expected.  There was an ad in the paper saying they were selling $74 hiking shoes for $34.

There was one lady who we mutually didn't see each other and backed up into each other.  That made a connection and we were friends.  Also, because Lilly is around and I have to talk to her and keep her from "helping" the other people try on shoes, it makes me seem approachable.  I had a tall guy helping me (turns out he didn't even work there, he was just a shoe rep), and she had a short young guy helping her.  Now, I should say, despite all the craziness, these were the NICEST shoe helping workers ever. All were polite and happy and excited.  Except the manager.  He was your typical unhelpful douchebaggy manager.  Anyways, I heard my lady friend say she wanted to find the pair of shoes in the ad.  The guy said he didn't see the ad, so he couldn't help her.  Then, later, she wanted to find the different sizes of the next cheapest pair of shoes. He said that those shoes were in boxes in stacked in the middle.  I already went through this for those shoes and told her they were in the middle walkway and there was only like 6 shoes boxes left.  It was a small hard to find stack.  That woman was so annoyed at the lack of service and how that kid couldn't find her what she needed.  And I agreed...the workers (him) wasn't properly prepped for the day.  But chances are, he never worked in the shoe dept. before.

Then the woman left.  Probably in a huff.  She left her boxes of shoes laying open and around everywhere.  The young man came up and was hurt that she didn't help put the shoes away, and said "She didn't even say goodbye!"  And that just broke my heart.  And I jumped ships and completely agreed with him too.  They were both right, but poor at communication.

So when I left, I talked to the girl who didn't help me (only because I always got the tall guys' attention first), but she was super friendly and had chatted with me while I waited.  I told her to tell the tall guy I said thank you for all his help.  Since I couldn't say goodbye and all. (I was hungry, tired, with a similar feeling sister and toddler, I wasn't going to spend forever looking for this guy to just say goodbye).

I did get a pair of shoes.  They are just okay.  Nothing bad about them and they are cuter, but I think there is another pair that was more comfortable/better for hiking.  They didn't have my size there though, so I can't be sure.  I might order them and try them on and then return one pair.  But that's work.  I have to think about it.

The cheapest pair there was Hi-Tec, which is my favorite hiking boot brand.  For price, comfort and durability.  Unfortunately, with my robot ankle the screws get in the way, and the hi-top boots rubbed against them causing me pain in the ankle.  They were easily the best pair, except that I can't wear hi tops any more. I wonder if I could get the screws removed.  Maybe in 5 to 10 years.  When I CAN be off my feet for a long time and not have to chase babies.

4.  I went to a friend's baby shower this week too.  I brought Lilly because I didn't know better yet.  It was at an amazing house.  It was HUGE.  I can't emphasize this enough.  The master bathroom (I was nosey and peeked when Lilly ran into the bed room (coat room)), is bigger than Lilly's bed room.  I think the main room (kitchen/family room area) is the size of my house.  And it was open with vaulted cealings and and a nice wood floor and nice carpet area, and clean and free of clutter.  Lilly LOVED it.  She ran, and ran, and ran, and ran, and ran, and ran, and spun in circles, and ran, and ran, and ran and didn't sit still for two hours straight.  And I had to chase her the entire time.  I felt the next day like I had ran 10 miles.  And I have before, so I know. Now I know I can't bring her to these type of things unless I have a "sitter" with me to tag team.  Not until she's grown out of this stage.

Disclaimer: The house was built by the family.  They have a very excellent contractor in the family.

5.  I woke up with Josh today at 5am, and it was horrible.  I told him it was like waking up to go to the airport super early.  He said, yeah, only I do that everyday.  I was so sad for him!  He was also telling me this story of how the equipment at work went down for 6 hrs and how it kept on having problems and not working.  Silly me, I thought that was most of the day.  No.  He followed the story up with, we ran for 5 hours first really well.  And I realized just how long 12 hrs is!

I suppose that's it.  I need a coffee refill and I'm suppose to be cleaning the house today.