Friday, February 26, 2010

It's a Trap!

It's been a while.  But I've been traveling and out of town. I've been to Mississippi by way of Chicago, and drove over The Mountain to get to North Carolina.  I even stood on the Appalachian Trail while feeling like death from some bad Ruby Tuesday food too.  Oh and I ate food from 3 different salad bars in less than a week!  I can't remember the last time I had the salad bar...I think it must have been in high school.

I did go to a restaurant with Josh's sister and husband and it was all salad bar.  You walked through the door and was instantly in line, before you even sat down, and filled your plate up at the largest salad bar ever.  Then you paid, I think, and then sat down.  Something sounds fishy about that...what if it was winter and a person walked in with shopping bags and purses and scarves and mittens and giant coats.  There's no way you can handle all of that and scoop out a giant salad.  But I don't count that place because it was only salad bar, and anyways, I think it must have been 2005 when we went anyways...5 yrs ago.

Now I'm going to tell you the Big Secret of the Colombini household.  It's not actually a secret, but I didn't want to write about it until it was official and I had some pictures.  NO I AM NOT PREGNANT KIMMY (I know you always think that! ;) )  I don't have the pictures off my camera yet but it is official.  Maybe.  I got pretty angry this morning and I'm not sure I'm ready for the responsibility.  BUT we got a cat!  A kitty cat.  And he meow meow meows and he meow meow meows.  What?! he's a kitty cat and he dance dance dance.  Actually he only meows when he has to poo and he never dances.  He also likes a spotlessly clean litter box.  One of my friend's (Heather) coworker's sister had a cat dropped off at her farm and she couldn't keep the kitty because she is a crazy cat lady and already had four.  So Heather asked if we wanted to foster him and we said yes, and as all of you probably already knew before me...I just can't give him up!  He's everything I ever wanted in a cat.  He likes some pets, some hugs, some playtime, and lots of food and fresh water.  He also loves to be brushed and will lay still for it sometimes.  That's pretty much what I wanted.  He's very lazy and likes to sleep and lay around a lot, and he was very good until this morning.  He also somehow gets his poo everywhere.  I think the little box is too small.  Do you know why his little box is too small? Because he is the giantest cat I have ever seen!  He is not fat and I think he weighs about 1/2 lbs and sort of floats.  His hair is so long and puffy that it catches the air and his body heat heats up the air, sort of like a hot air balloon.  Oh and his paws are as big as a half dollar coin.  They are huge!  Because of his large paws, large size and giant fat puffy tail we think he is part Maine Coon, also what I've always wanted.

We named him Admiral Ackbar from Star Wars.  They look the same too, only one is a space alien and one is a fluffy cat.  We call him Ackbar for short or Kitty.

So this morning I woke up, and he was outside the door wanting in to the bedroom, so I was naughty and let him in.  He walked around and sniffed everything and rubbed his scent on prove to all the other cats that he owns the bedroom too.  Ackbar is always more active in the mornings.  Then I saw that he was hungry, so I went and got him his food.  We don't have a food scoop yet, so I was trying to pour the food into his little dish.  He didn't care until the food was being poured, and then he wanted to eat it and make a mess.  His giant head was difficult to pour around.  Then he didn't want to eat it when I wasn't pouring...until I picked up the little spilled bits, he tried to eat them then and got his head in the way again when I was trying to put them in the dish.  This happened twice.  I even freshened his water for him..but he was not happy.  I took a few steps and instead of eating his food he tried to eat my ankles!!!!!  I was pissed.  Chucky ( my mom's cat) knows very well (and doesn't care) that I do not like to have my ankles bit early in the morning.  I screamed and yelled like I was in terrible pain and Josh came leaping out of the bedroom, naked and trying to put his boxers on and all sleepy eyed.  It was soooo cute, how he was trying to save me.  But I didn't want saving, I was sooooo angry. I shut Ackbar out of the bedroom before he could get in and I didn't talk to him for most of the morning, and made Josh interact with him.  HA!  This interaction included wiping poo off of his butt hairs with a wet napkin.  I hugged Josh for that.  I wiped poo off of his paw last night and got it on me...right before dinner.  Gross!

Then when I was leaving for work and walking the litter box contents to the dumpster I realized I would need to get up even earlier to make time to take care of Ackbar.  If I wake up earlier, then I have to go to bed earlier, and I'm having none of that. And I realized that my first reaction was to scream when he was naughty and bit me.  It's just one measly giant ass cat...imagine what I'll do when I have kids!?!?!  Certainly not what I imagine myself doing.  I imagine that I will be a nice mom who never yells and always talks things through my kids and they listen to me because they know I love them and am wise and smart and are only looking out for their best interests.  And if they are naughty, well I'll have the perfect solution to punishments.  In short I'll be just like Super Nanny from the tv show.  Well, Ackbar crushed that dream.  We all know I'll yell them into submission with my supersonic screams.  Who ever is loudest wins.  Poor Josh.

Ackbar the Dream Crusher.

Ackbar the Poopy

Ackbar the Lion (he has a liony face)

Ackbar the Indifferent

Saturday, February 20, 2010

Let's Go Paint A Picture

Today is beautiful!  I left the sliding door open and hung up some clothes to dry outside.  The house is chilly but not cold, and it smells wonderful in here.  It was a perfect spring day. 

I cleaned all morning in anticipation of the kitties I am going to foster.  I got a call though from the nice lady who is bringing them over, and they ran away!  They also enjoyed the nice spring day out on her sister's farm and disappeared.  She says they'll come home for food eventually.  I'm not too worried, they're kitties, and that's exactly what kitties do, be inconvenient.  I hope they are having an excellent adventure like Bill and Ted or Milo and Otis, only one is not a pug dog.  And there will be no kitten families that come back with them b/c they are neutered.  I guess it would be like if Milo and Otis were gay and eunichs.  That version would be fabulous!

I ate lunch and discovered that Law and Order: CI was on, so I watched a few episodes of that, and then when I was about to turn it off, I saw there was a painting show on.  Those are my absolute favorites, no doubt.  This show had an older, balding white guy in oversized kakis with a beer belly and a polo shirt on.  The background of his set was white criss-cross things with hot pink showing Florida in the 90's.  Complete with really ugly tropical fake plants.  The guy was so obnoxious...making fun of his wife, telling really incredibly long and slightly boring stories while NOT PAINTING.  Then he had to hurry near the end.  He even had paintings half done, so when he got to that point he would throw the painting he was working on behind him in a stupid manner and then whip out the next one.  And it was an ugly painting of poppy fields and houses on the Mediterranean.  He kept on making stupid noises too, like "Ching, Ching CHING, ching ching ching,... Some one once told me I am saying a bad word in another language when I make those noises! Ching ching Ching CHING!"  That's about where I fell asleep.  I don't even know if he finished the painting, but I doubt it.

When I woke up he was gone and BOB ROSS WAS PAINTING!  I was that happy and excited.  Bob Ross is magical and wonderful and kind and nice and loving and a good painter too.  He never makes stupid noises.  He says things like "You have to make decisions when painting because you are so powerful" and "Just decide where you want this in your little world, it doesn't matter." or "let's pretend in our world there is a little bush right here, now, there, isn't that nice?  You know me, I need to give him a friend...Everything is better with friends."  Once, he even said "Let's go crazy!" and then he painted an amazing tree.

Every time he removes his brush I think that the painting is done (even in the first five minutes) because it looks so good I wouldn't want to risk messing it up.  Bob Ross would tell me then, that it doesn't matter, you can't make mistakes when painting.  You can do it.  He's so positive and kind and peacefull.  He is magical.  He just magically makes this amazing perfect painting every time!

I'm off to pack now...I'm leaving tomorrow for the Cherokee.  I've got to talk to their Tribal Council immunity idol yet though.  I keep on losing those darn challenges!

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Guess where I am?  I'm in Philadelphia!  Philadelphia Mississippi that is!  We flew into Jackson Town last night and then drove all the way out here.  I went 70-80 the whole time but it wasn't an express way.  I don't think there are enough people out here for expressways.  I love it!  The hotel desk lady had hair straight from the eighties and nineties, with giant bangs where half flipped back and half flipped forward.  How can she still be doing that? I just don't know. 

We went to Ronnie's Steak House and Grill for dinner.  I was expecting something lively and dark lit and steak house like...because I've been living in the city for too long now.  It was the was a diner that was a little worn down.  All the workers were either teenage girls or old old women, and EVERYONE KNEW EVERYONE in the diner.  And they were all super nice.  The menu gave you choices of steak or catfish.  I didn't know Grill=catfish.  I don't eat catfish because I don't eat bottom feeders.  Lisa made fun of me for that.  We both got the hamburger steak because it was the best in town. :D  And it was good.  I couldn't even eat it all it was so big.  And there was a salad bar!

Today Lisa wants to eat at a place called Peggy's.  I'm pretty excited about that as well.

Oh, I need to tell you about our rental.  It's a Toyota Prius and it took us 15 min. to figure out how to turn it on!  There was a button you press, and I kept on pressing it and it wouldn't turn on.   Then we figured out that the locker/unlocker button keychain slides into the car like a fat floppy disk.  The car still didn't turn on.  What you need to do is plug in the key, press the brake, and then hold down the button.  And there is no noise, you only know it's on bC the computer screen has a big 0 mph on it when it's on.

I am giving a presentation to the Choctaw Tribal Council today.  I'm pretty nervous.

Monday, February 15, 2010

Preparing for Tribal Council

Love Feast.  That's what I did yesterday and it was quite wonderful.  We sat around at my friend Cindy (and Rachel and Christina's house) and they read scripture about love.  Then they read some old person's testimonie about love from a book, and we passed around some bread in a heart shaped basket.  As we pulled off the bread to eat we gave a reason why we were thankful to God.  Then we had a potluck feast complete with heart shaped biskets and heart shaped jello jigglies.  It was so tastey!  Josh made popcorn for the feast because I was too busy showering. (We woke up late).  I was the only one who ate the popcorn, but trust me, everyone else missed out.  It was some of the best popcorn ever! It even made my headache go away later that night.

So after the feast, in which I'm sure I talked to much.  I always feel that I talk too much at these things.  Anyways, we sang hymns, but there was no piano accompaniment.  Then it was over.  These girls always have structured parties, and it's always surprising and fun!

Today though, was full of difficulties.  I'm leaving tomorrow to give my presentation to the Choctaw Tribe in Mississippi, and I don't have anything to wear. Story of my life, right?  So I was going to run to Target and the mall to pick up a shirt, or pants, or anything presentable.  I got into Josh's car, and his battery was dead.  I knew that would happen though because he dreamed that it was dead this morning.  And it's the third time in 2 weeks it was dead in the morning.  The odd part, really, is that this was a brand new battery.  There must be something wrong with the car. 

So no new clothes.  Then I needed to make french bread for the bible study tonight, but that takes 7 cups of flour, and I only have 1.5 cups.  So I decided to make corn bread ones.  But that called for 1.5 cups of milk and we had already determined that our milk had soured this morning.  Josh was suppose to get out of work at 1 and bring me home some milk, and then take me shopping.  But no...he had to stay until 4 because everyone else left.  I ended up making the mini corn muffins with the sour milk.  I've heard of doing that before, and it wasn't chunky, just sour.  They turned out pretty good.  So that was a problem solved.

I'm pretty nervous about my trip.  I have to give my presentation to the Tribal Council, and I don't think I'll be ready. :/  At least I am pretty confident in my ability to answer any questions.  I'm actually pretty good at that part.  

Friday, February 12, 2010

Valentine's Day Celebration

Valentine's Day is probably one of my most favorite holidays.  Here is why:
1.  Everything is red and pink.  And normally those colors clash, but not on Valentine's day.
2.  Valentine's Day cards.  I don't get as many as I used to (like none), but I don't give away as many as I used to.  I still love them.
3.  Making those boxes to bring to school so your classmates could put your cards in them.  I loved that!  I saw that you can buy them in Target now...metal ones.  What fun is in that?
4.  Surprises!  I always enjoyed Valentine's Day more when I was single because I couldn't wait to see if a guy would profess his undying love to me.  No one ever did, but I just LOVED wondering.  When you have a boytoy on Valentine's Day, the magic and the wonder sort of goes out of the holiday because instead it is filled with expectations that are rarely met.
5.  Did I mention that I can't resist the color pink?
6.  It's about love, and love is good.

This Sunday (Valentine's Day) I am going to an Agape Meal or "Love Feast" which I am super excited about.  The hostess describes it as this:
"A Love Feast is a Christian fellowship meal recalling the meals Jesus shared with his disciples and expressing the bonds of love enjoyed by the family of Christ. Our Love Feast will be a potluck, so please bring a dish to share. We will pray, read scripture, sing hymns, and share testimonies."

I don't know why, but that strikes me as what Valentine's Day should really be about...but still with all the pink and red heart decorations!

To avoid unrealistic expectations and major disappointments, and overly full restaurants, Josh and I celebrate Valentine's Day early. This year we are celebrating it today.  We are going to make a shrimp pasta that I made for our first Christmas together 4 yrs ago maybe. I am sooo excited about that was amazingly delicious and I have never made it since.  Then we are going to drink wine and have an early 90's rap dance party if Josh can get the stereo to hook up to his computer.  Early 90's rap is some of my favorite.

My stereo has a USB cord and music program so that you can play Pandora through my stereo, only they don't make the program for systems beyond XP, and Josh has Window's 7, sooo I may be having issues with the company.

Here are some fun Valentine's Day links:


History  This one mentions slapping women with bloody goat hides.  They welcomed it.  And then through lottery were placed with men.

Horribly Wonderful Oh man. Oh man. 

All Purpose Check Off Card 

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Valentine's Day Post (early)

Josh was a little worried that you all think he's a terrible person and husband because I only write about the "bad" things he does.  But he does tons and tons of wonderful things too.

For example:

1.  This morning when I was brushing my teeth, and he adjusted the hem of my shirt so it would hang right.
2.  He gets up with me in the mornings, usually.
3.  He plays his WoW alternate character with me a lot instead of playing his Main character.
4.  The other day I was at work talking to him on the phone, and he said "I should go...I need to straighten things up and work before you get home." and then when I got home the bed was made, some of the clothes were put away (the parts he could do...I wasn't there to do my parts), and the dishes were done!
5.  He put some hot chocolate mix in my lunch as a surprise the other day.  And this morning he asked me about it and said "It's that time of the month for you soon, and I know how you like chocolate."  Isn't that the cutest thing EVER?!?!?!?!   I sure think so.  He also said that as I was sneaking an entire bar of chocolate into my lunch bag.
6.  Sometimes he makes my lunch, and sometimes he makes my breakfast.  And when he does, he measures out the cereal and milk just the way I like it.  Of course, the first time he poured my cereal for me, when I broke my ankle, I got a little upset (and when I say a little, I mean a lot) that it was the wrong ratio, and I don't think he's forgotten.
7.  He puts up with me, and sometimes I get mad because he's sleeping and I'm not.  Or I get mad because he's not comforting me...because he's asleep.
8.  He accidentally coughed really hard on my forehead the other day (as he was coming in for a kiss), and then he felt terrible about it.  I on the other hand would have laughed and laughed if I had done that to him.  And don't worry, I didn't get mad.  I laughed and laughed anyways.
9.  The only times he gets upset with me is when I don't care about secret wars in Yemen, or when I click the internet button many times because it won't load up.
10.  Sometimes (but only sometimes) he lets me show him in great detail my rock collection.

There.   I hope you only puked in your mouth a little bit and not a lot.

Monday, February 8, 2010

My Decrees

First of all, I want to be on the Green Police Force.  I would ban the use of Styrofoam and put limits on the use of plastic utensils.  I would have timers on cars that would only allow the car to "warm up" for 10 sec in the summer and 30 sec in the winter.  If  you lived up north and could prove a need, you would be allowed 60 sec.  Disposable bottled water: completely banned. I would also increase regulations on drinking fountains...put a team of scientists on it create more "germaphobe friendly" fountains...not that they are really the germy.  And I would also demand an increase in public drinking fountains.  I would have as part of a health class, a section on living Green.  Because seriously, health class could be filled out a bit.  Students would learn that germs aren't that bad that bleach or ammonia is 100% effective and less dangerous to the environment while Lysol products are only 99% effective and dangerous to the environment.  They would that "antibacterial" soap is worse than plane soap and actualy makes you more sick because the bacteria become immune the antibacterials and it no longer works and the bacteria are harder to kill.

Those would be my decrees.

Second of all, I think that Russel Crowe will make a terrible Robin Hood.  I mean, he's very similar to Kevin Kostner.  And I did not like Kevin Kostner as Robin Hood either.  Those two men, Kevin and Russel, are "warrior" types.  They save the day by fighting better than everyone else.  Robin is not a warrior, he is a rogue.  He sneaks around and uses gorilla tactics to steal from the rich and give to the poor.  He is skinny and funny and well, rogueish.  Like the fox from Disney's Robin Hood.  He does not win the woman in open battle, he steals her away with some fighting and with her consent of course.

One friend suggested Robin Hood be played by Jack Black. I suggested Jackie Chan.  You know mix it up a bit.  Christian Bale was also suggested.  And Robert Downey Jr.

Who do you think would be a good Robin Hood?

He's funny, but not a comedian.  The Robin Hood story is a serious story, but it is light hearted.  And it did come from England, so I expect it to be very dry.  Light hearted yet filled with dry humor....  I'm thinking we need more cowbell.

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Why I Hate Snow

Well, I do want to talk about the snowstorm we had.  But I need to upload some pictures first, which I can't do because my camera is not with me at the moment.  Let's just say it started out awesome, and then I got annoyed and filled with anger.  Because that's ultimately what snow and grey skies do to me, fill me with anger.  In Michigan after 3 months of it and after wearing my wintercoat that gives me a second set of breasts for 3 months, this anger becomes ingrained in me.  It becomes more subtle as well...but I can still feel it draining me and oppressing me.  So I moved south.  It's definitely one of my best decisions. 

When I was in high school I had a boyfriend who I didn't see much, and I didn't know it then, but I am one of those girls who enjoys ALWAYS being around their guy.  So imagine my torment, my pain, when I only got to see him for a few hours a week, maybe, after I was done working on a weekend.  And one day I finally got him to agree to spend all day Saturday with me (also theater was over and I didn't have practice either).  So it was Saturday morning, and BAM! world's hugest blizzard hit...which is what always happens.  Snow always always always ruins my plans. My parents (smartly) didn't allow me to go drive in it to see him.  I am also a person who doesn't deal well with disappointment, and that day I swore with all of my soul and all of my self that I would move out of Michigan and out of the snow as soon as I possibly could.  And that's when I remember first truely knowing deep deep down that I would leave. 

Because of that, part of me always regrets a little that I didnt' go out of state for undergrad...but I didn't know at the time it was even possible for me to do that.  I also remember that if I didn't go to CMU I wouldn't have met Josh and probably wouldn't be the person I am today, and I like myself a lot.  So it's okay.

Now you know my feelings about snow.  Sunday morning are milk went bad.  But the sun was shining and the snow had stopped, so we decided to go to the gas station and get milk and donuts.  They sell really good donuts there, I think.  I have never had one, but they look so good and I do love donuts.    We left our apartment complex the way we normally do, and went down the hill and then tried to go up the next one that was covered in ice....and couldn't make it up.  So we turned around and went the other way, and at that less steep hill was a cop car stuck, and getting towed out.  The cop was pretty skeptical at my truck's ability to get up the hill, but either way, he wasn't going to let us try until he was gone.  So I got out, whipped out my bags of sand and started yelling " YOU DOUBT MY TRUCK!!!!!!! MY TRUCK IS SWEETER THAN YOUR MEASLY LITTLE SOUTHERN COP CAR WILL EVER BE!!! YOU DON"T EVEN HAVE THE DECENCY TO CONTINUE USING FORD TAURUSES AS COP CARS!!!!  LAAAAMMMMMEEEEE!!!!"  and I used my super human strength and evenly spread the sand out all over...leaped in through the window of my truck and drove the hell out of there.

Not really.  We just turned around and went home and I spent the rest of the day dreaming about donuts. 

Josh said he would go to the grocery store the next day (Monday) while I was at work and pick up milk and food for us.  I asked him to get me a donut and I described exactly what I wanted.  I wanted a cake donut that was glazed.  None of those Krispy Kreme half air glazed donuts, a cake one.  And if they didn't have that I wanted a cake one with sprinkles...valentine's day sprinkles are the best, and after that multi-colored.  The all chocolate ones are okay as a last resort.

The next day, Josh repeated to me at least twice, word for word, and teased me too my exact specifications for my donut.  As I was leaving work he was like, I forgot beer, can you stop on your way home and pick some up at the gas station?  And I was all "really!?!?! Really?!?!?! UGGGhhh.....okay."  And I put off my stop at Target I had to make to get the beer because I wasn't going to stop at two different places, during rush hour.  So I get to the gas station...the one with the donuts...and I go in.  As I'm entering one of the workers is leaving with a cigarette, bucket, and squeegy mop thing.  I actually thought to myself "Well, she's going on a smoke break and won't be back."  I get inside.  There is no one in there except three people. One is a guy drinking coffee and doing homework on a little table.  The girl who works behind the donut counter is racing around the store talking on her cell phone at top speeds really loudly in a different language and trying to pretend that she doesn't see me.  I pick up the beer and walk to the counter, and in the back office I see the manager passed out hard core, head nodding and drool leaving her mouth.  I was to shy to wake her up, so I walked around the store, picked out some chips and generally tried not to look like a freak.  I thought about getting a donut, but thought about how Josh got me one, and that I didn't need two.  Plus I dont' think there was anyway I could get the donut girl off her phone.  I finally decided to leave and go to the other gas station 50 ft away, and I put the beer away.  As I was leaving another man came into the store and promptly woke the manager up, so I came back, got the beer, paid and left. 

At my apartment I just wanted to go inside and eat my donut, but first I had to rearrange my purse that was full of work laptop, shoes, and lunch that got spilled everywhere when I got my wallet out for the beer. And then I had to carry it all in and I was very angry.  These small frustrations fill me with anger and irritability, especially unlocking the door, that's the worst.  And I get inside and gently set down all my stuff, resisting the urge to throw it and I ask Josh "Did you get my donut?"

No.  He forgot.  He didn't even remember to tell me to get one when I stopped for beer.  No.

He offered to go get me one now, and I told him no, the time has passed for donuts...I no longer want one.  And then I told him "You should think about my needs more.  I think about your needs all the your need to do more housework.  I'm always thinking about that."