Friday, February 26, 2010

It's a Trap!

It's been a while.  But I've been traveling and out of town. I've been to Mississippi by way of Chicago, and drove over The Mountain to get to North Carolina.  I even stood on the Appalachian Trail while feeling like death from some bad Ruby Tuesday food too.  Oh and I ate food from 3 different salad bars in less than a week!  I can't remember the last time I had the salad bar...I think it must have been in high school.

I did go to a restaurant with Josh's sister and husband and it was all salad bar.  You walked through the door and was instantly in line, before you even sat down, and filled your plate up at the largest salad bar ever.  Then you paid, I think, and then sat down.  Something sounds fishy about that...what if it was winter and a person walked in with shopping bags and purses and scarves and mittens and giant coats.  There's no way you can handle all of that and scoop out a giant salad.  But I don't count that place because it was only salad bar, and anyways, I think it must have been 2005 when we went anyways...5 yrs ago.

Now I'm going to tell you the Big Secret of the Colombini household.  It's not actually a secret, but I didn't want to write about it until it was official and I had some pictures.  NO I AM NOT PREGNANT KIMMY (I know you always think that! ;) )  I don't have the pictures off my camera yet but it is official.  Maybe.  I got pretty angry this morning and I'm not sure I'm ready for the responsibility.  BUT we got a cat!  A kitty cat.  And he meow meow meows and he meow meow meows.  What?! he's a kitty cat and he dance dance dance.  Actually he only meows when he has to poo and he never dances.  He also likes a spotlessly clean litter box.  One of my friend's (Heather) coworker's sister had a cat dropped off at her farm and she couldn't keep the kitty because she is a crazy cat lady and already had four.  So Heather asked if we wanted to foster him and we said yes, and as all of you probably already knew before me...I just can't give him up!  He's everything I ever wanted in a cat.  He likes some pets, some hugs, some playtime, and lots of food and fresh water.  He also loves to be brushed and will lay still for it sometimes.  That's pretty much what I wanted.  He's very lazy and likes to sleep and lay around a lot, and he was very good until this morning.  He also somehow gets his poo everywhere.  I think the little box is too small.  Do you know why his little box is too small? Because he is the giantest cat I have ever seen!  He is not fat and I think he weighs about 1/2 lbs and sort of floats.  His hair is so long and puffy that it catches the air and his body heat heats up the air, sort of like a hot air balloon.  Oh and his paws are as big as a half dollar coin.  They are huge!  Because of his large paws, large size and giant fat puffy tail we think he is part Maine Coon, also what I've always wanted.

We named him Admiral Ackbar from Star Wars.  They look the same too, only one is a space alien and one is a fluffy cat.  We call him Ackbar for short or Kitty.

So this morning I woke up, and he was outside the door wanting in to the bedroom, so I was naughty and let him in.  He walked around and sniffed everything and rubbed his scent on prove to all the other cats that he owns the bedroom too.  Ackbar is always more active in the mornings.  Then I saw that he was hungry, so I went and got him his food.  We don't have a food scoop yet, so I was trying to pour the food into his little dish.  He didn't care until the food was being poured, and then he wanted to eat it and make a mess.  His giant head was difficult to pour around.  Then he didn't want to eat it when I wasn't pouring...until I picked up the little spilled bits, he tried to eat them then and got his head in the way again when I was trying to put them in the dish.  This happened twice.  I even freshened his water for him..but he was not happy.  I took a few steps and instead of eating his food he tried to eat my ankles!!!!!  I was pissed.  Chucky ( my mom's cat) knows very well (and doesn't care) that I do not like to have my ankles bit early in the morning.  I screamed and yelled like I was in terrible pain and Josh came leaping out of the bedroom, naked and trying to put his boxers on and all sleepy eyed.  It was soooo cute, how he was trying to save me.  But I didn't want saving, I was sooooo angry. I shut Ackbar out of the bedroom before he could get in and I didn't talk to him for most of the morning, and made Josh interact with him.  HA!  This interaction included wiping poo off of his butt hairs with a wet napkin.  I hugged Josh for that.  I wiped poo off of his paw last night and got it on me...right before dinner.  Gross!

Then when I was leaving for work and walking the litter box contents to the dumpster I realized I would need to get up even earlier to make time to take care of Ackbar.  If I wake up earlier, then I have to go to bed earlier, and I'm having none of that. And I realized that my first reaction was to scream when he was naughty and bit me.  It's just one measly giant ass cat...imagine what I'll do when I have kids!?!?!  Certainly not what I imagine myself doing.  I imagine that I will be a nice mom who never yells and always talks things through my kids and they listen to me because they know I love them and am wise and smart and are only looking out for their best interests.  And if they are naughty, well I'll have the perfect solution to punishments.  In short I'll be just like Super Nanny from the tv show.  Well, Ackbar crushed that dream.  We all know I'll yell them into submission with my supersonic screams.  Who ever is loudest wins.  Poor Josh.

Ackbar the Dream Crusher.

Ackbar the Poopy

Ackbar the Lion (he has a liony face)

Ackbar the Indifferent

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