Sunday, January 29, 2012

Sorry For My Party Rock'n

I have a cousin who is younger than me by 7 yrs maybe. I'm not sure.  I'm not even sure how much I've spoken to him ever...there are a lot of cousins.  But he's a friend on facebook and he's in college.  In my mind he's still 12 and quiet.  He has 3 older sisters.  But he turned into a big college party-er and I LOVE reading all of his posts.  He's having a great time in college partying it up and it makes me remember when I would have a great time in college.  In college I knew what was expected of me, I knew who I was, I knew who my friends were and I knew what I was going to do every Thursday and Friday night.

Thursday nights Josh and I played the board game Life but turned it into a drinking game.  We would walk to the seven/eleven get 40's of beer and frozen burritos.  Then we played Life (which involved drinking 3/4 of the forty) and then watched Adult Swim and talked while we finished the rest of the beer and ate the burritos with ranch.  That was preparing for Friday night when we went out and partied with our friends.  Everything was close enough to walk to or ride a bike to.

What I learned from that time period is that it is not (NOT) safe to ride a bike drunk but a hellalota fun.

The commuter parking lot was always empty at CMU at 1am on the weekend so you could pedal as fast as you could and coast through the parking lot with nothing in your way and the wind flying through your hair, screaming and laughing.  Then after that was the circle drive at The Towers dorm halls.  Josh would be following me and I would ride around and around and around that circle and Josh could never figure out where we were going.

I recently felt like that again, screaming and laughing and truly deeply happy.  The sad part is since my gluten allergy I switched from beer to gin and tonics and I don't have control of my drinking when I drink those. (Only 6 months of sporadic practice vs. 10 yrs of weekly practice).  I dont' remember much of the other night, but I do remember being innocently happy, like when you're a kid.  The unfortunate part was that I was with coworkers who are past my stage of life now...and I fear I behaved poorly in front of them.  I behaved great if I was with friends or all strangers, but not coworkers.  I may have humped a barrel a little and I may have almost got in a fist fight with a friend/coworker ( I remember that and I thought it was awesome and sooo fun!), I may have told someone that "I dont' like salesmen, but I like you! Teach me!" and I dont' know what else I did.  I was very embarrassed the next several days and couldn't think about it without my stomach going into instant pain (sign my anxiety is bad) and it was the worst Monday walking into work ever.  But what I remember from the night was only happiness.  Josh got me home and I spent the rest of the night chasing Ackbar around on my hands and knees laughing at the top of my lungs and wanting him to hug me.  Ackbar only ran away in pure terror.  I was sore for an entire week after that!  Then Josh made some frozen food that tasted like chinese food exactly and it blew my mind.  I could not comprehend how he produced chinese food in the middle of the night from our apartment.

And I've decided this is all I have to say for myself:

That night I was truly myself.  I acted and did what I thought without self censure.  Being an adult and accepted by society is very oppressive to me and scary.  I just want to be me and do what I want, but Nashville has never really approved.  From the first day I moved here I have been judged as too weird, wild, loud, crass, insensitive, naive, no sense of self privacy, and I hate Ohio.  Apparently it is a great sin and a greater offense to dislike a state. And gingers...all gingers of this state do not like me either.  Oh and once I put the left over blueberry pie in the same dish as the leftover pumpkin pie and I RUINED THANKSGIVING.

Bless my heart.


suekimmy said...

I read "I may have humped a barrel a little" and almost choked on my drink from laughing so hard!

I'm proud of you for being who you are, but if this becomes a weekly thing, I might suggest an AA meeting. It is possible to be who you are and stand strong in your beliefs without necessarily intimidating or scaring someone.

I'm looking forward to Party Rockin' with you again soon!

Db said...

Kimmy. I sure as hell hope this never becomes a weekly thing! This weekend Josh and I went to bed at 9;30 on Friday and had an amazing day Saturday. I am learning that Saturday mornings hang over free are better than a party friday night.

I'm working very hard on letting go of what others think about anything and trusting in what I believe. Once I get that down, I think things will be better.