Born The Victim

I am mighty angry today.

A Facebook post just reminded me of why I hate the world and the people in it.  All the people who live in chosen ignorance and promote rape culture among our young boys.  I don't feel like giving people the benefit of the doubt today.  So if my words make you angry, be an adult and get over it, or relook at yourself, maybe I'm like and I hit a truth cord.

Also, Lilly took my lipstick and colored the counter with it.  She also made me take a bath before 8am.  She stood there and played with her bathtoys and got wet and got the floor all wet, but would not get in the tub with me, even with clothes on.  She communicates by yelling and then crumpling to the floor in a tantrum.  I have NO IDEA what's wrong.  And she's mad at me for not instantly knowing.

Shit.  I have to go out and do errands.  Luckily I just remembered, it has to be done by today.  I think I will go to Newaygo, the used book store and this other antique odds and ends store nearby. 

My mom turns twenty nine today.  And even though I'm angry typing, I'm very happy about this.  She makes turning older super exciting.  Mandy and I agree, will our hair turn grey like hers?  We both hope so and look for grey streaks regularly.  Mandy already has a 10 hair one.  Mine are still sprinkled.  Her life just gets more fun as it goes on.  My moms' life, not Mandy's.  Mandy is an introvert...lol. I tease her.

Now, what got me angry?  When I was in high school, I'd want to wear certian shirts or clothes or want to hang out with guy friends (FRIENDS) alone.  But no one would let me.  As you can figure my parents were the main perpetrators, but they were supported by an older mentor from Young Life, and other adults I trusted.  So, okay, that's fine.  But, when I asked, why? Why can't I wear this shirt?  "Because it shows your cleavage"  But why does that matter? It's just my body! What's wrong with my body? I can't help having cleavage! I didn't even know I had cleavage until someone told me.  It was always a source of concern and worry and stress for certain adults in my life that my boobs were so big.

So, then I'd ask, "why can't I show my cleavage?"  And the answer I got from all adults I asked is "It'll will make the boys think."  I asked what will they think?  And the young life lady shuddered and said, you don't want to know what they think.  WTF!?! And that's the most answer I ever received.  I still am not exactly sure what it is that the boys will think, and why don't I want them to think it?  I'm just don't know!

The best solution to my scientific teenage mind was to wear these cleavage clothes and act and dress in the way that makes the boys think when adults aren't looking, so that I can try and figure out what it is they are thinking.  And as far as I could tell, they were thinking the same things I was.  So, I was right and adults are wrong.  And I stick by this.  They should have been honost with me, maybe I wouldn't have been such a tease.  Because I was all, You can look at me as much as you want but never ever touch me, all the way until I got pregnant and lost my young woman/girl body.  Now I have a mom body, and I just don't have time for looks any more nor cares.

And that's what the face book post did, was put into words all of my frustrations with this situation: (it was followed by pic of a girl in leggings and a long tshirt)

"Today, my sister was sent home from school for wearing the clothes in the picture below. And I'm sorry but I have to stand up for my family and for women who are degraded and judged for their bodies and clothing everyday. People wonder why women feel insecure about their bodies or what they wear.. And it's beause you're told your clothing is inappropriate when you're completely fully clothed, even when you're not showing cleavage or anything. How about instead of body shaming women, school systems should start teaching 15-18 year old boys to stop degrading women with their eyes and contributing to the rape culture of today's society. Bottom line, girls cannot go to school in comfortable clothes THAT COVER EVERYTHING because school systems are afraid that hormonal boys won't be able to control their eyes and minds. And that is such a bigger problem than worrying about clothing. No, I do not believe that all boys in middle school/high school degrade young women or sexualize their bodies. That is my point.. this is not an inappropriate outfit, yet some are worried it might be seen that way, so they send girls home to change to try to avoid an issue and THAT is the problem. Not to mention, when you send someone home because of innappropriate clothing, you're taking away from their eduction. So I guess it's more important for boys to not have distractions (even when they're aren't any) than a woman's education. When will people realize how big of an issue this really is?"

Who was telling those boys not to "think things" about girls?  Anyone? Or was it all "boys will be boys"?  Why must I change who I am and change how I want to dress and express myself so that boys will not think sexy thoughts?  That's the same as saying the woman shouldn't have dressed that way if she didn't want to get raped.  We all know boys and rapists don't care what a woman is wearing,...they can imagine us naked all the same.