sad

I'm sad today.  I woke up at 5am when Josh got up, and like usual, don't fall back asleep until 7, right before Lilly gets up.  Today I spent the time thinking about sad things and how it seems the world is getting worse.

I did stretch and somewhere in my hip a bone cracked and all of the sudden the pain was gone.  The I can't move or stand pain left.  How wonderful.

I wish we could all see our own prejudices and closed mindedness.  It'd probably be pretty painful.  Sometimes I think that's what God's getting at when he says do not judge and do be humble.  They seem to go hand in hand. 

Lilly and Josh had fevers all week.  I was a terrible caretaker.  I wasn't sick, but it was soooo hot and humid I felt sick.  I couldn't move.  It was 85 degrees in the house, humid, and I felt like I was going to die.  Lilly and Josh had the chills, and were covered in blankets.  Lilly wanted to cuddle me with her blankets, but it was like hugging a woodstove.  She was just burning! I couldn't handle the added heat!  My tiny baby was sick and I just couldn't cuddle her and make her feel better.  I'm so sad.

Oh and Ackbar is visiting this week too.  He and Lilly and Josh all needed food first before the pregnant woman.  Things were not happy in our house hold.

Yesterday we went to a free community event we signed up for.  It was to promote physical acitivity and healhty eating.  It was at the local gym.  We got barely grilled veggies without any salt or sauce, grilled chicken without salt or sauce, and cut up veggies in a ton of ranch dressing.  And a frozen fruit popsicle thing for desert.  It made me feel good after eating it, but...it was full of summer squash and zuchinni, almost raw, with no salt.  BLEH.  I ate it to be a good example for Lilly.  I did have to dip it in all the extra ranch.  Then we had to do 7 of 11 activities.  Lilly loved it b/c we kept moving from one thing to another and it involved lots of running (for her).  She even got to try basketball, like the neighbor boys.  Josh and I realized that it's been YEARS and YEARS since we picked up a basketball and threw some hoops.  Just, years.  I think the last time we were in Mount Pleasant at CMU.  I realized that I am awesome at dribbling the ball and that I enjoy throwing the ball at the basket and make it in more than expected.  Don't get me wrong, I will not play it.  But I like the parts of basketball in a none competative environment a lot.  It was one of the sports I remember playing as a kid at home.

At the event, a woman running it, gave me a hard time for sitting down instead of being active with my family.  I smiled on the outside, and on the inside I was so mad.  I was told we can participate at our own levels!  And my body told me if I stood up any longer I would die.  And I did.  We got home and I could NOT move or function and laid down and did not get up again until this morning.

I need to go clean my house.  Guess what didn't get done when it was hot and everyone had the chills?

Tired

Pretty grumpy today.

Everyone is sick.  Lilly doesn't feel sick, but she is, so she's stuck inside. Josh is sick.  They all of chills and fevers.  It's HOT out and humid and our house is worse.  Then people who are the temperature of woodstoves want to cuddle me with a blanket on me.  I am not happy.

My house is hot and a mess.

I saw a yellow light and it was old, and then just as I was about to cross the intersection, it turned red.  I kept on rolling.  It's what Josh call's an "Antioch Red", which means, if the oncoming traffic hasn't moved yet, you can still get through.  It's hte only way to get anywhere in Antioch.

Then I came to the next light in downtown, and I was going 20 mph, 5 under the speed limit, and the same thing happened, and I just rolled on through.  Then I heard someone honk in an obnoxious angry way.  But none of the cars at the intersection were even moving yet...I couldn't figure it out.  So I figured it had something to do with the firetrucks in front of me.  They were all being moved around and taking up the whole road.  I had to stop anyways to wait for them.

Then a cop car pulls up behind me and puts on my lights.  Ugh.  He gets out and asks me what happened.  Ummm...how do you say "I ran a red light" with out making it sound like I was blatently breaking a law?  I was also tired, slow and full of pregnancy brain.  I said, I saw it change as I went through but it was too late to stop.  The cop says "Okay.  A state trooper saw you run through and honked."  I said, "Yeah, I heard that..I couldn't figure out where it came from."  And he says "yeah, he called me and I said I'd stop to see when was happening."  Then I said "Okay, I'm sorry?"  B/c I didn't really know if he was the right person to apologize to for being human.  He seemed to understand.  Then he left.

I told Josh and his response was that the state trooper was probably a douche.  And that makes perfect sense.  That cop probably didn't want to pull me over any more than I didn't want to stop at that light...but he had to do his job b/c a state trooper made him.

Now I have to bring Ackbar to the vet.